Just a warning, this particular post is about marriage, it is not intended to incite riots, please stay calm, no one is being hurt, there is no talk of homosexuality or hatred of lifestyles. This blog pertains to my life only and does not express opinion on any political issues. Just a blog about my thoughts on gender rolls in MY heterosexual marriage. Thank you for no hate comments.
This year marks the 9th year of Marriage and the more or less 13th year that the big man and myself have been together. I have been thinking about a lot of different things as I am starting to plan our 10th Anniversary Vow renewal next year, one question throughout our whole marriage that has run through my mind: "Am I the man in this relationship?".
To some this may be odd especially if you know me. I am a girly girl, flamboyant and ditsy at times, however I am also the "I'm not going anywhere, I'm not brushing my hair" girl. I guess the reason I ask these questions about gender rolls in this relationship is because of how I see our relationship is different from most, from my vantage point anyway. My husband is very sentimental, don't get me wrong, I am also, just not to the extent he is. We have a basement full of things that either belonged to him as a child or someone else in his family, that all though are not being used and never will be, we can't possibly get rid of them. Granted I have a few things, but not too many, but in fairness we do live in the house that we purchased from My grandparents because I couldn't stand the fact that the house might have strangers in it. I am now thinking to myself I probably could have been happy anywhere and it doesn't feel like the same house anymore, but it still feels like home and there are memories here still even though we are pretty much re doing the whole place.
My husband worries about the future. Most men I know don't even think there will be a tomorrow, they just don't seem to care, as long as their needs right now are taking care of it. Their attitude is I'm OK right now, my family is OK right now, let God and or my wife worry about tomorrow, let's have a beer and fix something. I am like that except for the fix something part, I couldn't fix a block tower. I think about the future and want good things for the family, but I figure we have made it this far we will be OK, so I don't really fixate on it or worry too much.
I like a clean house, but hey we live here and well, I have better things to do than clean all day. My husband is a neat freak!!!! If I don't clean the house he thinks I don't love him. Seriously he told me that! He feels like if I don't get up and do the dishes after dinner or make sure he has clean underwear everyday. That means I don't love him. NOW before you all go off on how I'm a stay at home mom and the least I can do is do dishes and make sure he has clean underwear. Yes I do not have a job per say, but I do. I run a small business in our basement that keeps me busy pretty much from 5:30 am till 6pm and I bring in a fair amount of money to the house, the way I see it my family is lucky I make them dinner at all, especially when my husband is home at 4 almost every day. And the underwear thing, my husband has OCD about his underwear and I don't really know when he is running low because of the ones he refuses to wear, I don't know which is which because to me they all look the same. The fact that the attention to underwear details is not in my realm of concern is just one more way to prove that I am a guy.
I fall asleep on the couch after eating almost every night, well he does too.
In a crisis he gets emotional and panics and I (no matter how I am feeling inside) have to be the logical one and stay calm and think it through
He changes his mind all the time!!! Seriously it makes me want to scream!
ON the other hand....
He WILL NOT have a conversation with me unless he dominates it, I couldn't possibly know anything. A trait he gets from his father that I can't stand!!!
If I am upset about something rather than, holding me and listening, he is thinking and rarely but sometimes is stupid enough to say, "well what do you want me to do about it" Or "If I can't help, why bother talking to me about it."
I am super affectionate, he is not.
I will go without so he and little man can have what and all they want to eat, He cares that he "gets the big piece of chicken".
I want to be loved and cherished, he wants to be respected.
I want him to fix things, he is a fixer.
I am detailed and over think things that are important, he is a big picture person just tell him what you want and shut up.
I love to wear skirts and he does not.
I cringe at dirt on my body, he definitely doesn't care.
Maybe I don't have my gender rolls confused. I just "ams what I ams, and that's all that I ams" and that is ok. I could go on for days on the gender rolls of my marriage, but my husband needs clean underwear because he can't wear any of the 5 pair in his wardrobe right now.
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